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Il Penseroso

Their faces seem familiar
Whilst their features like the wind carved rock
Are set in lines of painful recognition,
My eyes transfixed on she so fair
Could I look away I would not dare
For would she not in night air vanish,
Not leaving clue nor any trace
Yet all remembrance paints her face.

Past lives repeat upon my mind
And just as drugs in darkness find;
A multitude of terrors yet unlived,
Mirthless nightmares still spring forth
From midnight realms of childhood fancy,
Like spiders from their unseen corners
Spinning webs to trap my soul
I fight for life until the morn.
Daybreak comes and wakes this dreamer
And looking round the once moonlit room
I search the corners full of gloom,
Each is empty, all is gone
Not leaving clue nor any trace
Yet all remembrance paints her face.

(Cold and dark, but yet translucent see me swim the endless ocean,
Watch the wise men walk on water; spy the dead men floating by
And see their lives flash in their eyes.)

Our world should take no blame
Our fault alone - no friend of man (yet quite man-made),
We tied the noose and stretched our necks
And leaving not the slightest trace
Remembrance hides her face.

Life’s fleeting friendships pass away
Like grains of sand through the hourglass,
My own mortality makes me ponder
Over space and all its wonder,
A shooting star this one for me; I claim it for posterity,
So say a thousand more like I
Who’ll leave no trace on Earth!
At the height of our existence
When all senses are fulfilled
And our souls are slowly emptied
Drained by our own histories,
Recollection takes revenge.
          
So it is the sea spews up her dead
On gowns of golden sand,
Whilst in her safe and heaving bosom
Wrapped in arms of foam and surf
Lies life itself!

Its simple forms complex in matter
Spawn new life for a higher plateau
And man must now step down and die
To make way for the new,
And when God; the man the spirit flees
I go - no trace of life I leave
No longer does remembrance live
Her face I take with me.

Cold and dark yet quite translucent
Join me - swim the endless ocean,
New life for old, jump in and see
Her face floats up to beckon me
Not just the ghost of memory (I pray),
I join her in the living sea
I feel her warm tranquillity - my time to leave humanity.

I leave my body to hover high
Flying over house and sty
I see what man has lost,
His youthful fountain flows no more
He dies to live and lives to die
His corpse to sand rebirth at hand,
My soul descends on sleeping forms
To wake those sleepers all-forlorn.
Weep not for those who’d steal your soul
And rip apart your mortal hold,
Reality must cease to be
No more remorse; come be with me
Above and beyond this human clay.

Like silent sighs that flow from lips; unheard and soft my tears drop
Shed free yet under sentence,
I love thee as sun loves the moon enough to let her rule awhile
Until a new and wiser day is borne upon his back again,
Why won’t they hear my cries of anger - in the dark unseen, unheard?
I scream and curse the morning’s heirs
For them I turn to smoke.

Born in sickness not in health; wrapped in poverty not in wealth
Yet fell for love more than a man,
But now I’m dead not even Hell
Will open up its gates to me,
No graveyard lair or Heavens air lie open unto me,
For me the smell of fear filled my most ill fortuned life.

(Could not a certain flare of youth disguise that hurtful act of truth
And spit into its shining eyes with blinding light -
Perhaps more lies?)

To find the one to free my soul the innocent to make me whole
To pray with me at heavens gate I float now through eternity
Not even death has set me free,
And still her face comes back to me (one day together we both may be).

No longer do I feel the rain; it pains me that I have no skin
To drench with God's pure liquid love,
No fingertips with which to feel or wipe away these phantom tears,
If only I could feel once more
The wet and cold, the sun and snow
To feel the softness of fresh grass
And pluck a flower sweet with scent.

Strange new years fly by like days
My memory begins to fade
Those things I once remembered - now all gone,
I’ve seen the changing of the age
Man’s obsessions and downward progressions,
Seen his hate and felt his anger
Whilst falling in the mire he himself has made.
Too long now have I been imprisoned
Trapped on this their earth - my gaol,
I’ve seen mans’ wars and watched as clouds blocked out the sun;
In the shape of mushrooms they bloomed miles high
And I have seen men leave this earth to conquer other worlds
Yet I may still not leave.

So looking towards the heavens I resign myself to space
And as he paints her face once more I cleanse myself of pity,
And as I call her name out loud a great joy is given unto me
Release from this my purgatory,
To know such love was worth the wait
Remembrance paints her face.

 

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