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My Aunt, My Ant, and the Vet

I had an ant in years gone by
And knew him as my pet
Alas! , he ailed, blood pressure high
I took him to the vet
“See here”! He croaked in disbelief
“How shall I check his heart?
In order to provide relief
I don’t know where to start”

My Aunt arrived to act as nurse
And scrubbed up for the vet
Took some money from her purse
To settle any debt
“Lay him down upon that sheet
I’ll rub his chest with vapour
That sheet’s too big, I’ll have to cheat
Lie on that ciggy paper”

“Listen Aunt, prepare the ant
And soothe him so he’s calm
Turn his body on a slant
So he won’t come to harm”
My Aunt obeyed with shaking hands
And magnifying glass
“I cannot tell which end he stands
I think this ends his ass”

“Now careful Aunt I need to test
The trouble’s with his heart
A pacemaker where you suggest
Would blow the ant apart”
My Aunt withdrew and left the scene
To slurp a nice hot toddy
And left the vet behind the screen
To check for antibody

“A turn he’s taken for the worse”
Said vet between deep sighs
“His pain is bad, can’t save him nurse
Me thinks antagonise”
My Aunt emerged the worse for wear
Her body cold and numb
Slipped and tripped, announced with glare
“He’s squashed upon my thumb”

Its now a year since my ant died
And still I won’t forget
I killed my Aunt, my hands were tied
Then crucified the vet
The moral of the story says
All creatures great and small
And any one who my Aunt slays
Must have revenge like all

With Aunt and Ant, and vet all gone
I’ve had another try
I won’t entrust his health to none
My new pet is a fly



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“Welcome to the world of a Mad Mad Merseyside poet. Merseyside was the European Capital of Culture. I doubt, however. that you will find much of that within my poems.

“My goal as a writer, is to take the craft of poetry to whole new depths. I have spent most of my life in Liverpool (Merseyside) and the surrounding districts. Comedy is very much a part of a Liverpudlian's make up. We have a unique ability to laugh at ourselves before others. I find that poets tend to work within specific genres. For instance: Comedy, tragedy, or perhaps the darker side of the personality. I believe that the creation and reading of comedy rhyme is a great personal release.

“Am I a poet, or a creative writer? I shall let anyone interested enough to read me, decide the outcome.

“I'm delighted to share my humour with you.