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I Feel Sad and Blue (poem 1 of 3)

I Feel Sad and Blue
I Feel Like, Why Am I Even Here Anymore?
I Feel There Is No More Hope . . . Anymore! No . . . Not No More!
I Feel Because There Was Way Too Much Said and Done
And, I Held It All In . . . For So Long . . . And, It All Was No Fun!
Now, It All Just Flows From Within and I Feel . . . I Am Looking From The Outside In.
I Feel Like . . . He Never Ever Really Wanted Me and Still Doesn't Really Love Me.
I Feel Like . . . All I Was Was Just Someone To Use and Abuse
And Now, I Have, Become, Somewhat . . . Just Like Him . . .
But, I Feel So Ashamed Of Myself Of How I Have Become . . .
And Now, I Feel, The Time Is Near Or Has Come, To Make A Choice . . .
Will It Be Him Or Me To Say Good Bye, With Some Kind Of Quivering Or Silent Voice?
I Feel So Sad On One Hand . . . Because I Still Held Out . . . With Hope And Faith . . .
And That By Some Kind Of Miracle Or Blessing . . . That We Would Have Had A Better Fate!
But, On The Other Hand . . . I Wonder . . . How Much More Could I Take?

Created By: Julie (Jewels) M. Agor—McIlvaine 11-27-04
And, If He Did Really Love Me . . . I Guess I Never Really Knew.
And, It's Sad Because . . . I Thought This Time . . . It Was Going To Be . . . My Fairytale Come True . . . .

You Say You Love Me, So Why? (poem 2 of 3)

You say you love me, so why?
So why, do you hurt me so,
with such hurtful blows?

You say you love me, so why?
So why, do you say, I'm so terribly bad,
It makes me feel so terribly sad!

You say you love me, so why?
So why do you say, I was a Blessing from up above,
Yet, you make me feel so down and low and hurt me so?

You say you love me, so why?
So why do you treat the world so much better then me,
now all I feel is, I want to be free!

You say you love me, so why?
So why, you know that saying, “Sticks and Stones
May Break My Bones, But, Words Will Never Hurt Me.”
But, I Do Know, Words Do Hurt Me!
Actually, They Hurt Worse!

Invisible Pains and Scars (poem 3 of 3)

I feel so sad and all alone and now I act out so bad,
because I am so mad and sighing with some quite groans.

I feel like, Why am I even Here?
I have so many fears and I want to go back to drinking my beers?

I feel so much like I want to scream and cry, but,
my eyes have tears that are dry and again I feel scared and shy?

I feel so used and abused, and yet with all that is wrong,
it is still me to be accused, and I am so very confused?

I feel I want to run, cuz all this is no fun, the pain is so deep,
I feel like I wish I could sleep and not feel no pain for at least one week?

I feel so drained and so very tired of all this,
it all hurts way down to the bone, and I felt, all I could do was write this

I feel like, does anyone have a clue, of what I and others are going through
I feel like cuz there are no outer scars that, no one really knows,
But, that it all still hurts all the way through and makes me/us feel sad
and blue!

Invisible  Pains and Scars—From Childhood to Adulthood—All Hurts!
Hurts Everyone Involved!
Julie (Jewels) M.  Agor—McIlvaine

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When this poem was submitted, Jewels wrote from California, “I'm 46 yrs old and have had, a somewhat hard life . . . all my life, and in the past few months, I have been expressing myself through my poems! It helps to make myself feel better on one hand and on the other hand, helps me to think about what I should do with my life? I guess, by writing my poems and seeing how others feel, if my writing is good or not, is kind of helping and letting me know, if my book, I'm trying to write, will be any good at all? My family and friends feel, I'm good at writing and that my book may end up a best seller. I'm not sure about that, but, I would like to finish it, and get some kind of messages out for people like myself. Basically, I guess, I'm just writing these poems, to help pick myself up . . . my self-esteem, my spirit . . . me!